Friday, April 11, 2014

Slag Valley Bullett #3



Pyromania in the Badlands!

A fiery skirmish marked the end of a recent bout of civility around Slag Valley. The Sons of Slagarchy- a local settlement improvement group were set upon by Redemptionists. The Sons were 'performing a public service' by 'clearing up some litter' when they were attacked. Several members of the Sons have been observed with multiple burns. Headcrusher, leader of the Sons has been quoted as saying 'Fragdamned religious weirdos! Two of my lads bit the sump. We're not going to stand for this!'. No one was available from the Redemptionists for comment. 
In a separate incident the same group of Outlanders are thought to have fought a vicious fight with local 'neighborhood watch' group The Clobs. The Redemptionists were fought off without major casualties sustained by the Delaques. Local town historian Mistaltow Flunk has warned residents; 'It's just like when The Church of The Cleansing Flame set up round here a few years back. Burning people at the drop of a hat. I hope someone gives them their marching orders!'.
By Ricco Chunk

Feuding Gang War Escalates

After burying two of their gang, the Sons of Slagarchy returned to their hideout only to find several members of The Clobs up to no good. A firefight ensued driving off the Clobs with no Sons injured. It is believed that the Delaque gang were looking for Headcrusher who spent the entire incident in Chug Syzlak's Wildsnake Boutique, 'toasting' his fallen comrades. 
Several days later a rumored gunfight in the middle of Slag Valley saw an outnumbered group of Goliaths shot up by the Clobs. Intimidation of witnesses is believed to be a factor in both gangs getting away without any charges being brought.
Another separate incident saw Clob member 'Boomer's demise allegedly at the hands of The Sons, during another chapter of the ongoing dispute between both gangs. Headcrusher dismissed accusations of the Sons being responsible, stating that "Yea there was a bit of horseplay, sure enough, but Bluey definitely didn't kill that weakling Boomer. I'm pretty sure it was the fall from the gantry what done it. Natural causes like". One thing seems certain, there is sure to be more blood spilled between the two gangs!
By Aurelis Charga
Artists Impression of Headcrusher

Dome 426/KJ32 Accessible 

Explorator teams from Gamma Corp have made it known that the entry tunnels to Dome 426/KJ32 are close to being shored up. A spokesman for the company has stated that the dome's income rights are going out to tender to the most worthy candidate. [The gang whose rating increases the most will gain the territory and add it to their gang roster]. Competition for these rights is no doubt going to be fierce. 
Polac Greis : business editor.

Obituaries

Two members of the Sons of Slagarchy group have met with untimely ends following an attack by the Human Torches. Nutter 23 & Torcher 27 will be missed. Causes of death severe burns.


King Clob regretfully announces the passing of Boomer, Slag Valley resident for the last 9 years. Cause of death internal injuries following a fall. 

Spatch Puberty: deaths, births & marraiges.

2 comments:

  1. Very enjoyable read if only all other newpappers whare to this high a standard.

    ReplyDelete